An hour ago, I wrote a piece about the differences between Mitt Romney and Herman Cain. As I went back to read it later, I realized that I had omitted the most glaring physical difference that many Americans would see between the two. It hadn’t even crossed my mind when I was writing. Is that my own bias or the reality of Cain’s campaign? Perhaps a bit of each.

Not to say not to call racism when one sees it, but Cain’s continued popularity among Republicans in South Carolina on the day of the says something! Some would say it’s all a charade. Maybe. Maybe Cain had no chance of becoming the Republican nominee. But they said the same thing about how Obama would never become the Democratic nominee!

It’s far from a perfect union but it’s sad to see so many “thought leaders” unable to transcend a Racist America narrative, thereby keeping themselves and so many young people in self-imposed chains.

One is robotic; the other is charismatic

One enjoys firing employees; the other enjoys keeping his employees close

One pulls the cheese of pizza slices; the other sells the damned pizza

One has been a missionary; the other…did you say missionary?

One is known for hedging; the other is known for keeping things simple

One wears fancy sideburns; the other wears a cowboy hat

One speaks French; the other doesn’t (well, he might know 7 French words)

With the mindset that it was a holiday for Americans, I turned down invitations and decided to stay in my apartment. As the day wore on with all the images of families together, I started missing mine. As much as I don’t like turkey, I started craving it.

Thankfully I came across a news story with a list of soup kitchens serving turkey and gravy. (The rest of the story later)…

…Fast forward to 2011. Again I will spend Thanksgiving in my apartment, again by choice. But this time I don’t have to wait for news stories with a list of soup kitchens selling turkey and gravy–there’s an app for that.

They had 500GB drives all right, many of them, in fact. And that was the problem: choice! All 500, all USB 3.0, all around the same price. So function and price were out the door early. This was now about design. All were sleek and compact. So this was about color!

My first instinct was to go for the manly black, just because…I mean, why not? But then I started considering the more colorful ones because they would be hard to lose.

Normally I would have gone for the blue, it being my favorite color. But then it was a bit too pale, and it would look out of place at a professional meeting. And do I really want to be seen at a Starbucks with a pale blue hard drive?

The silver would match my Mac, though. But maybe too matchy matchy.

In the end I went for the crimson. It’s interesting but muted and manly. Besides…it’s crimson, you know.

So enthralled was I that I decided to get another drive for my niece, a high school student in Ghana.

Well, they didn’t have pink–surprising, come to think of it.

Perhaps the pale blue? Hmmmm….

“Q: Why aren’t tickets issued after January 1, 2010 included in amnesty? (Updated Aug 2, 2011)
A: Ticket amnesty is an incentive program for older, outstanding ticket payments which cannot be successfully collected using the District’s current collections activity. Without an incentive program, it is likely the majority of these older tickets would remain uncollected. Based on an analysis of our records, no incentive is needed for tickets issued after January 1, 2010 due to our current collections activity.”

Is it just me, or does anyone else read it as: “well, we really have no way of collecting that money so you might as well keep it”?

So what’s the incentive again?

After I made it to open air, the loneliness lingered longest. It was nice to get a hello from my next-door neighbor for the first time, but I needed touch people I knew, loved. So after a couple of minutes I leaped back up to the 4^th floor, grabbed my phone, ran back down, and logged on to Facebook and Twitter. So here I was, shaking my next-door neighbor’s hand for the first time in four years of residence and feeling a stronger sense of community on this device in the palm of my hands.

A recent piece in Foreign Policy ranks “The Invention of Social Media” five rungs above “The American Response to 9/11” on its list of the most important events of the past decade.

Yes, no, maybe, I don’t know. But what if the two events had met on 9/11?

A Google search revealed, as I expected, that someone else had been thinking about this hypothetical. His piece focuses on the speculations and end-of-world messages that would have resulted—the public expression. He gives less attention to what, in my view, could have been the most important differences.

Imagine the tweets:

“I’m on the x floor in Stairway y”; lives could have been saved.

“We’re about to tackle these bastards”; valuable information could have been shared.

“I’m not going to make it. I love you…”; invaluable good-byes could have been said.

But most updates would probably have been a bit more graphic than is appropriate to imagine. Eery, I know—for the living. But for a person in the last moments of life, knowing that hundreds of family, friends, and a whole nation were “following” him or her, could have taken away the loneliness and provided comfort.

The question then is about whose interests are paramount. And these are not questions of idle speculation. We are living with social media. Any such disaster in the future will call for sophisticated responses.

One practical implication we can discuss now could be to explore the technology and systems for first responders to, say, channel all the tweets from a certain geographical area and ban all others in order to share actionable information, keep the servers running, and protect privacy. If the system exists already, great!

Ask yourself: If you had the opportunity, would you rather go with a whimper or with a tweet?

Background

The root of your problem is that the United States Congress has become akin to a single card issuer.  You need a second source.  You can then transfer the $14 trillion balance to the new issuer, keeping it off-balance sheet and under the table so that by the time it appears on your credit report to Congress, ratings agencies and investors, the cash will be in the bank.  You will then have $0 balance from the perspective of the United States Congress. In no time, Congress is flabbergasted, the American people feel better about themselves, and you feel rich enough to start borrowing again.

Yes this is unprecedented, but yes you can. You have four options to get there.

Option 1: Form a new Congress.

If this Congress allows you $14 trillion, then two Congresses means you get $28 trillion, so you can transfer from one to the other. People will label you a dictator, but you can lecture them on constitutional law: Remind them that a tyrant would dissolve Congress. You would be doubling Congress. You are twice a democrat.

Option 2: Use another country’s congress.

Congress is congress. If you can get another country’s congress to give you another debt ceiling, you can transfer the debt to them, leaving you with a $0 balance in the eyes of Congress. As the other congress must have the financial wherewithal, the National People’s Congress (NPC) of China is your best bet. Crucially, that congress must be open to keeping details of the transaction off the books and under table. On that basis too, the NPC is your best bet; African leaders will testify to that.

Option 3: Collateralize Congress.

In this scenario, you borrow money from domestic banks, using Congress as collateral. Here, Nigeria offers lessons for America. The former Speaker of that country’s House of Representatives allegedly took a bank loan to pay himself allowances, using the National Assembly as collateral. It is yet unclear whether the collateral would be the physical House (that dome must be worth something) or the members of the House (imagine John Boehner being hauled away for non-payment of your debt).  The big banks may reject your offer on the basis that they already own Congress, but some smaller ones will take the chance. Keeping it off-balance sheet will not be a problem; there is financial engineering for that.

 Option 4: Bankruptcy

If all other options fail, consider bankruptcy. Yes, other countries will find it hard to borrow money and there will be chaos all over, but, as that TV commercial says, “Congress passed bankruptcy laws for millions of honest, hardworking Americans just like you who just need a little help to get a fresh start.” Call 1-800-BANKRUPT or 1-800-THE-LAW2 or 1-800-LAW-FIRM or hundreds more.  They will fight for you.

Recommendation

Option 3: Collateralize Congress is particularly appealing because it puts Congress in a political “check mate.” Any action the members take that will jeopardize your ability to service those debts puts their own behinds on the line.

Next steps

Finding a potential lender should be relatively easily, as lenders tend to me more willing to lend you money when you appear to be having problems paying your debt. You will get pushback from some quarters that you should focus on cutting expenditure. Remind them that it is impossible to cut spending when that new high tech remote controlled drone looks so good. Americans will empathize, but messaging also matters. Remind them that what we have now is a balance transfer to future generations anyway. You are just being more creative than your predecessors.

But first, a warning: respect!

Who is goat?

Goat?…Hm. How does one begin to talk about goat?

Goat is a very special being for which you need a deep appreciation before you put to the blade and earn the privilege—and it is a privilege—to ingest.  I for one am proud to call goat a friend in life and, especially, in death. So to all you (smirk) foodies: before you go out there and order the bearded meat with your mashed potatoes and baked beans, you need to acquaint yourselves with goat. No, not the meat. The beast.

Why the beast? Because no beast raised mainly for its meat gives as much more in life than in death.  Imagine, if you will, an animal that is part race horse, part ox, part camel, part dove and tastes like filet mignon. Yes, I’m getting mythical, but goat is the closest we have.

They say if you want to become a vegetarian, you should take your time when you’re eating meat to ponder every chew, every sinew of the previously living thing. Yes, I can see that with chicken, pork, beef and so on—not so, chevon.

When I chew goat meat, oh yes, I ponder too. But when I ponder I ponder thus: here is a being which died so that I may live (with all due respect to events of 2,000 years ago).  In fact, ever since I saw James Cameron’s Avatar, I have vowed that before I transfer the life of another goat to mine, it behooves me to say, “I see you.”

And I have seen goat from many angles. Many Westerners know their meat only superficially from the way they look on a plate. With all due respect to Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse, the goat I know does not come in well and medium well. He’s just, well, Billy.

And Billy’s got personality! When I first came to America, I was surprised that people referred to their dogs as he or she instead of it. With goat, I can see why, hence my occasional reference to goat in the third person masculine. It’s not a gender thing either. It’s because I’m talking about Billy goat, my friend.

I hate to name-drop, but I know Billy on a first name basis. In fact, I grew up with goat. Lived with him, fattened him, played with him, so by the time he became dinner, I felt like I knew that animal. No, I didn’t feel guilt. I just felt our relationship had been elevated to a spiritual level.

Goat is sustainable.

The question “where does one begin to talk about goat?” is much easier to answer.

Well, Silicon Valley of course. “Silicon Valley?” you ask. Before Facebook, there was Google (you may have heard of them).  In 2009 Googlers wanted to show a greener way to cut their grass than using lawnmowers. Theoretically, they could have created a machine to…wait for it…search and destroy all the weeds (I couldn’t resist). But who did this most celebrated technology company think was best for the job? Well, goat of course.

But we already knew this about goat. Those of us from “ethnic” places have always known goat to be sustainable. To illustrate, let’s go to my beloved Ghana to talk about ethical sourcing and why Google would choose goat among all herbivores.

Fufu is a staple food of my people. Fufu status is achieved when cassava (also called yuca or manioc) is pounded into a starchy ball. Fufu is typically eaten almost drowned in a bowl of soup so that it almost looks like a white island in a sea of water and spices. Now after you peel the cassava in preparation for boiling, guess who’s hanging around, waiting enthusiastically to mop up the cassava skin? After eating the cassava skin, goat then makes it way to your cassava farm to fertilize it.

Back in the kitchen you boil your cassava, make your soup, pour it over your fufu (of course soup needs meat) and guess who’s right there on that island of fufu in the afterlife? Don’t wait for it…you know the answer.

So in one swoop, you would have fed your “waste” to this environmentally conscious animal who would have converted it to lean protein for you and your family and you would have sown the seeds for the next harvest—all in one fufu cycle. Carbon footprint: close to zero.

Goat got balls too.

Now stay with me as we go to a real island: Montserrat. Yes, they make goat soup there. They call it goat water, but that’s not the point. We’re here because off the coast of this tiny Eastern Caribbean volcanic island lies an even tinier island. It’s basically just one big rock, okay? No one goes there. It’s supposed to be haunted by the ghosts of explorers and pirates long gone. But borrow a pair of binoculars to have a look-see and guess whom you will see perched on a precipice with one foot and looking yonder as if to dare the ghost of Christopher to come hither?

Goat is versatile

While world leaders are struggling to figure out how to adapt to climate change, goats is showing leadership. If you don’t believe me, go to Marrakech, Morocco. Ostensibly in response to dwindling grounds for grazing, goats there now live in trees, where greenery is abundant. Come back in a few thousand years and my guess is that those goats would have taken flight.

Goat’s got swagger.

I recently tasted one of goat’s jungle-bound cousins, the kudu, in stew. The meat was pretty good, but in the spirit of ethical sourcing, I went into the bush to seek the beast behind the meat. Let me tell ya, hooves and horns do not a goat make. Next to goat, kudu has the charisma of a doornail.

Goat is known to have an incredible ability to reverse direction at high speed. In fact, many right wingers in Ghana’s great national soccer teams of the past were speculated to have observed goats for hours in order to learn those skills.

But warning, ladies, Billy’s horns can grow preeeetty fast. If you don’t believe me, go ask an old man in Ethiopia who has made a fortune selling goat milk to men who want to be like goat.

Goat is also philanthropic.

You will never hear a relief organization ask you to donate a pig. It’s always goat. And rightfully so, if you ask me. World Vision International has a whole program through which you can purchase a goat for a child in Africa to school. (No, she won’t be riding that goat to school, fool.) According to organization, a good goat can provide up to 16 cups of milk per day. Clap for goat.

And the meat?

Oh it’s pretty tasty too (smile). I have to admit, I love goat. I would supersize it if McDonalds had it on a bun. In Jamaica, apparently the locals sell goat meat to squeamish Americans and Britons under the more palatable name: mutton. Hahahahahaha…so all of you have probably eaten goat and loved it, but if I had told you it was goat, you would probably have gone “ewe” (get it?).

Laurel Miller, a green eater and Zuckerberg skeptic, had the right idea in a Huffington Post piece urging Zuck to not only kill the goats, but also to eat them. She lost me when she mentioned the fulfillment in the process of removing the skin. No, Ms. Miller, I disagree with you on that one. My people don’t skin goat. We believe goat is very comfortable in its own skin, thank you. Okay, you’re right. We do skin goat—with our teeth—and there is immense fulfillment in the process.

As part of a presentation at the World Bank to launch his book, The New Harvest, Harvard Kennedy School’s Calestous Juma recommended goat as a cheap, lean protein for Africa. (Imagine telling a group of World Bank economists that a goat—not they!—will save Africa!)

Wither goat

On one hand, I’m glad that goat is finally getting the due respect. On the other hand, many immigrant ethnics to whom I’ve spoken today are concerned that, as Americans discover goat, the bearded meat will go the way of tilapia and oxtails and we the true believers will no longer be able to afford it. In fact, Zuckerberg’s new hobby is part of a larger movement of locavores: people who eat locally produced meat. Personally, I’m more of a homievore, but that’s frowned upon in Arlington, Virginia. In the meantime, I know a place in Baltimore where you can sort of pick your own goat so that at least you get a chance to respectfully say “I see you.”

I hope I haven’t made you feel guilty about killing goat, an animal which gives so so much. Trust me, goat doesn’t mind being sacrificed. I’ve heard cattle have a horrified look in their eyes when they see their brother bull in front of them in the abbatoir fall before their eyes.  Not goat! Mm mm (shaking head). Goat, in its last moments, will have that characteristic poise, glazed look in its eyes and proud gait as if to say, “It is finished.”

Friends, I may have bored you with my ramblings about goat, but I leave you with the much more eloquent articulation of the goat experience from the Oscar-nominated movie, Cold Mountain. In it, Maddy, a wizened old lady says of goat: “I’ve learned a person can pretty much survive off of a goat (even as she massages a baby goat). A goat gives you company and milk and cheese, and when you need it (even as she reaches for the jugular), good meat.”

Just as I thought we were beginning to establish the loser-takes-half (a.k.a unity government, a.k.a power-sharing, a.k.a one-man-no-chop) electoral system as home-grown African democracy, you allow the Western imperialists to change your minds. Cowards! Lâ ches! (Jacob Zuma excluded—now, that’s a man.)

My brothers, their ways are not our ways and we Africans are tired of imperialists imposing their ways upon us.  It has taken them thousands of years to reach this, their—clear my throat and spit— “democracy.” What we are saying is give us time.  Let’s do it small small, un peu un peu. We are saying let us begin with half-half—the African way.

My brothers, the loser-takes-half system is working; give it time. You did the right thing in the beginning by sending my brother Odinga to mediate. (By the way, mediate is from the Latin word mediari: divide in the middle.) I said to myself that is the man who is piloting the loser-takes-half system in the east; there is hope. Of course my brother Tsvangirai too is leading (maybe following) the way in the south. Now we in the west also want to get the…how do they call it again?…lessons learned…yes. Yes, south-south cooperation.

For the sake of the undemocratized, there are two emerging models of the loser-takes-half system:

The Kibaki Method:
1. If you see you may lose an election, get yourself sworn in as president as fast as possible.
2. Appoint all the key positions.
3. Go to the negotiating table and show how generous you are by agreeing to share power.

The Mugabe method:
1. Accept that the opposition candidate got more votes, but not the absolute majority, so you need a second round.
2. Beat your opponent’s supporters so much that they will not, or physically cannot, vote in the second round.
3.  Get yourself sworn in as president.
4. Revert to steps 2 and 3 of the Kibaki Method.

In Ivory Coast, we have done the…how do they call it again?…innovation…yes.

Yes, hybrid system:
1. If your opponent is declared winner, go ahead and get yourself sworn in as president anyway.
2. Be strong against international pressure.
3. Brutalize your opponent’s supporters so that the whole world is scared of a humanitarian disaster, your neighbors to the west are scared of another war and your neighbors to the east are so scared of a refugee situation in their new oil-producing area (oh, lucky they) that they oppose any military intervention. (If you fear God, he will even bless you with a tsunami far, far away and a mad man in the desert.)
4. Call journalists terrorists and threaten to punish them accordingly.
5. Revert to steps 2 and 3 of the Kibaki Method.

You see, under the loser-takes-half system, it’s not about who won the election; it’s about who is sworn in as president. You don’t even have to stand for election to be offered half; look at Rajoelina in Madagscar. If all else fails, you can always depend on the Russians, Chinese and the South Africans.

We Ivorians have introduced another..un moment…innovation: If it is not possible to share the government, share the country. Besides, that Burkinabe—lick my teeth, clear my throat and spit—Outtara is only half-Ivorian anyway so it is only fair that he gets half of the country. If he wants another half, he can go and get half of Burkina Faso, non?

The only way we can really have sustainable democracy in Africa is if we develop African solutions for African problems, so we have taken this their— chew kola, lick my teeth, clear my throat and spit—”democracy” and we have adapted it to the African culture. What the imperialists don’t know is that in Africa we like to share. We share food and land, so why not votes? If your votes are too many, give somebody too some. Outtara had 500,000 votes too many—that’s a greedy man—so we took some. C’est fini.

So I’m telling you I will never go! If you are men, come and show me your manhood (Jacob Zuma excluded). This is my contribution to the African democracy. I pray that some day after I’m gone, we will make the full transition to a loser-takes-all system. That will be progress, n’est-ce pas?

Available: http://allafrica.com/stories/201104090024.html